Thursday, June 16, 2011

Dr. Elkin--on time out

*closest human idea to hell--separation
*can have a total isolation room (they need to be in total isolation) (this is hard for us because our house is open)
*never send a child to time out, take them, they aren't in control of their punishment so don't expect them to do their own
*1 min per year (can be longer)
*not how long, but how consistently
*explain one time to them not more--we want them to make their own decisions and to think
*time starts when the crying stops
*punish both kids if arguing
*go to them and say "you may come out now" if they argue put them back in again

The whole punish them both thing has transformed our house.  It has cut out arguing and whining of who did what.  We decided if they come to us arguing, then they both get in trouble.  We aren't going to intervene if they can work it out themselves and don't bring it to us.  Afterall, we want them to learn to problem solve.  We have thought about this a lot.  If we punish both, it cuts out their feelings of us picking favorites.  It makes perfect sense, but we had never thought thru it like that before.

Also, this has made me think about Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp..."now you have two offenders.  Both children are displaying a hardness in heart toward the other.  Both are being selfish.  Both children are saying, "I don't care about you or your happiness.  I am only concerned about myself.  I want this toy. My happiness depends on possessing it.  I will have it and be happy regardless of what that means to you." In terms of issues of the heart, you have two sinning children.  Two children are preferring themselves before the other.  Two children are breaking God's law.  Sure, the circumstances are different, but heart issue is the same--I want my happiness, even at your expense."

Dr. Elkin really likes the using time out.  But, he said if it's a dangerous situation to themselves or to others, spank immediately.  Anywhere from throwing a toy that could hurt someone to running into the street.


The Gardners said...

Such good stuff! Keep it coming!!!!

laura said...

Great thoughts! Thanks for sharing!